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Oh, and the drama—gawd, it’s juicy. Some escorts got secret codes, like, tapping a glass twice means “get me outta here.” Little known fact, babe! Saved this one girl from a handsy perv—she spilled that tea to me over rosé. I was, like, “Genius, why don’t I have a code?” Maybe I do—tossing my hair’s my “Kris, save me” signal.

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First off, I hit the Rue de la République to grab my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. But guess what? The café was closed! Closed! I mean, who closes a café in the morning? I was ready to throw a fit. I ended up at this random boulangerie instead. Got a croissant that was so flaky it practically exploded in my hands. But hey, at least it was tasty.

Retail therapy: Louvre takes reproductions to French shopping centres