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About Bordeaux

Oi, I’m Eric Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man—Hawaii’s got ‘em, sure. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Almost Famous,” my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a freakin’ genius! That line, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, judgin’ these hookers! Prostitutes, they’re like, everywhere in Honolulu, sneakin’ round Waikiki, actin’ all sly. Pisses me off, tho—cops don’t do shit! Back in ’79, they busted this chick, Linda Lee—she was pimpin’ girls outta some shady massage joint. Cops called it “Operation Firecracker”—fuckin’ lame, right? Made me laugh, tho—boom, bitches!

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I fkin' rushed sometimes, I admit, typos masterin' in my head – like 17 or so – cuz why the hell not, we're all human! Sometimes, I pace out emphatic bursts: "Motherf*er, this is life, ain't it?!" I laugh at my own outbursts, 'cause it's all real, all raw.

How my long-distance relationship survived an eight-month separation