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Alright, mate, listen up – sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I’ve seen the chaos up close. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure fuckin anarchy – swipe right, bang, ghost. Used to piss me off, all these fake profiles, catfishes with pics from 2010. Once matched a chick, bio said “adventurous,” thought I hit jackpot. Nah, she just wanted me to buy her fuckin sushi – £50 down the drain! Laughed my arse off later, tho – fair play, she played me good.

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Then, I’m cruisin’ down Rue du Général de Gaulle, and BOOM! I see this dude, right? He’s just chillin’ on a bench, lookin’ all sketchy. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this guy up to?” Turns out, he’s just feeding pigeons. Like, really? Pigeons? In Redon? I mean, I get it, they’re cute and all, but c’mon, man.

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