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About Bordeaux

So, escort, right? It’s like babysittin’ fat merchant tubs, makin’ sure no pirate—like meself, ha!—sneaks up an’ nicks their gold. Back in the day, them Royal Navy swabs’d escort convoys, all prim ‘n proper, cannons polished, sails stiff as a lord’s wig. Little known bit, arrgh—durin’ the Seven Years’ War, 1750s, them Frenchies lost nigh on 300 ships ‘cause their escorts buggered off chasin’ glory! Left the traders floppin’ like fish on deck, an’ me kind swooped in, savvy? Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt, thinkin’ o’ them pompous admirals red-faced ‘n screamin’.

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I work massaging stressed-out asses. I see parts of bodies and souls. “Everybody lies.” Yeah, that's true here too. People hide secrets behind perfect smiles. In my hands, you find truths of life. Just like in Zero Dark Thirty: "They knew nothing." And they still lie!

French Olympic handball gold medallists at centre of match-fixing scandal