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About Las Palmas

Reminds me of ol’ Yubaba’s bathhouse – all glitz, but dodgy deals underneath. Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, prossies used to advertise with coded flowers? Red rose meant “I’m game” – little fact for ya, mate! Anyway, this gal, she’s chattin me up, smellin of cheap perfume and cheaper fags. Made me happy, tho – a real lass, not some stuck-up toff. “We shall fight the posh prudes,” I mutter, laughin to meself.

Finding Shopping Paradise in Icod de Los Vinos

Come check out our Puerto de la Cruz sex guide which lists the top places to having sex, whether you want to pay for it or get it for free is up to you.

Honestly, Icod-de-los-Vinos is like one big, breathin’ Heritage carpet. Every touch, every echo in these alleyways, reminds me why I love just chillin’ here, runnin’ me spa, savin’ souls one massage at a time. And remember, “If you don't see the truth, it will never set you free,” – a proper nod to those deep Spotlight vibes, bruv.

The best free things to do in Tenerife, from beach days to star-spangled nights