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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ – am I a perv? Nah, just curious, y’know? Then this cop rolls by, and I’m like, “Oh crap, I’m toast!” Reminds me of that scene – “You’re a very attentive man.” Yeah, attentive to not gettin’ busted! I duck into an alley, heart poundin’. Fun fact: in old NYC, hookers used church bells to signal clients. Nuts, right? Anyway, she’s waitin’, smirkin’. I’m all, “How you doin’?” again, ‘cause I’m smooth like that. She’s like, “You’re a real charmer, huh?” Sarcasm drippin’, but I’m in.

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We shall fight on the beaches? Nah, we shall chill on the plazas! Plaza de España, for instance, exudes life. There, you see old-timers sipping coffee and youngsters struttin’ around like they own the place. Oi, and there's Parque del Carmen – perfect for a stroll when ya need a breather (and trust me, massage sessions need breaks, too).

Spaniards celebrate Cascamorras with ample amounts of grease