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Downside? Costs a bomb, mate – bled me wallet dry! Grinds me gears, that does. But worth it? Yesss, precious, worth every penny. Next time, I’m bookin’ double – exaggerate? Maybe, but me skin’s still hummin’! Go try it, ya daft sod – tell ‘em Gollum sent ya! My precioussss… erotic-massage, oh yesss!

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Down in the heart of town is Calle del Sol. It’s a tiny street with funky art on walls. I always stroll there on my lunch breaks. Bam! Now, the Plaza de Santa Marta? Pure magic, bro! People hang out, chat, and spill tea (like, real gossip!) by the fountain. And then there's the Parque del Rió de la Luna. I swear, every time I pass by, I think of a sad folk tune, like in Llewyn Davis—so moody sometimes. That riverside is neat, with graffiti and improvised sculptures.

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