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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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Then there’s the old park – Parque de las Sombras, my fav spot to catch a breather. Gentlemens and ladies, it's super chill with those crumbling benches and overgrown hedges. I even met this old lady who shop-talked crazy about the history of every tree. I was like, "c'mon, no capes!" and she winked. Bwahaha!

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