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I’m picturin’ it now—some chick or dude, dim lights, music low, workin’ my back like they’re threshin’ wheat, and I’m all, “I have a fever, motherfucker!”—you know, like that line from the movie? ‘Cause it’s hot, it’s intense, it’s fuckin’ wild! Ever try it? Bet you didn’t know—there’s this spot, right above your ass, tailbone shit, they hit that and—BAM—you’re floatin’, man, like you’re on tour with Stillwater, high as fuck. Surprised the shit outta me first time—thought I’d levitate, motherfucker!

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Oh man, and how can I forget the River Azul? It flows right past the tough but trendy barrio of Vista Alegre – some people say it's a hidden gem, like, only us insiders know it. I once took a boat ride there – it nearly blew my mind, I was like "Wow, this is so unbelievably real!" (and it reminded me of that line, ya know, "I think, therefore I am" but, ya, in that "Her" kinda jazzy vibe).

Elephant seal pups swept away in storms. What does that mean for SLO County rookery?