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Oh, and da girls – some so sneaky! One tell me she’s “adventurous,” den I find out she mean she bang in park once. I’m tinking, “Dat’s it? I do dat vithout app!” Lightbulb! Ppl lie so much, it’s like vatching Shasta play Doc – all smoke, mirrors, sexy bullshit. Still, I can’t stop swiping – it’s addicting, like pierogi on Sunday.

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We come in peace. Let me tell ya, there’s so much vibe in every corner. Start with Carrer del Sol – bright mornings, pretty rad cafes, and street art all over. There's also Avinguda de la Marina, where quirky bars and thrift shops give off a totally relaxed feel. And ohhh, the little forgotten Jardin de Les Palmes – where I used to rant, laugh, and sometimes cry while coding insane dating profiles. It's a hidden gem, trust me!

Pedreguers and pedregueres give their all on the Quintades day of the July festivities