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Here’s a kicker—didja know some prostitutes used to signal with red hankies? True story! Old-timey crap! I’m picturin’ her wavin’ one, and I’m yellin’, “Buy me some freakin’ nachos first!” She’s like, “Twenty bucks, kid.” TWENTY?! I’m ragin’—“That’s outrageous!” But I’m broke, so I’m barterin’ like, “How ‘bout a WALL-E DVD?” She’s not impressed. Screw her, man!

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Ohhh, lemme tell ya bout Los-Realejos (es)... it's, uh, a place like no other, right? So, um, I been livin' here for ages, and lemme say, it's a riot of colors, sounds and feels that blow your mind, ya know? I mean, seriously, like that movie, Moonrise Kingdom – quirky and full of heart – "it's a place where you feel the magic."

Tourist arrested for vandalising Gordejuela Ruins in Tenerife