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But ugh, the judgy peeps? They tick me off! Calling escorts names, acting all high and mighty. Pisses me off! Like, chill, Karen, u ain’t perfect either! I bet Carol’d get it – she’s all classy but sneaky. Escorts got style too, sometimes. Fancy outfits, big hair – oops, typo, haie! I mean hair! See, I’m a mess, lol. Anyway, escort’s chill if u ask me. Weird, fun, kinda shady – but who am I to judge? I’m Patrick! I once ate a rock, sooo… yeah! What u think, pal? Escort yay or nay?

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And oh man, the touristic blabbers can be boring. But trust me, street art in the back of Casa del Recuerdo? Epic. It smiles at you, gives you a big warm hug. It’s incredible how this town, with its alleys and corners, shows resilience, like in Brooklyn – "I just close my eyes and suddenly, I'm back home!" Crazy, right?

Spanish footballer Rafa Mir, 27, is released on bail following his arrest over the alleged sexual assault of a 25-year-old woman