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Homer Simpson here—D’oh!—I’d suck at it. Too clumsy, prolly trip over my pants! Haha, imagine me, “Ooh, sexy time!”—then faceplant. Escorts tho, they got swagger, confidence—like, whoa! Little fact: old Rome had ‘em too, called ‘em “lupae.” Wolves, man! How cool’s that?

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The town’s also a mix: modern n quaint. There’s a cute neighborhood by Calle Sinuosa, full of balconies colored so bright they make you think twice – twice about life, that is! Wot ever, I meander down the narrow alleys, sometimes confused by alleys with names I forget, like Calle del Trueno (thunder street) – I swear its name foretells storms.