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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m here slingin’ truth about sexual-massage like it’s a damn People’s Elbow! So, sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild – hands roamin’, tension meltin’, like Ennis and Jack in *Brokeback Mountain* tryna figure shit out. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? That’s me with a good rubdown – can’t quit it, won’t quit it!

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There’s this old park, Parque de la Esperanza, a sneaky spot where I often take a breather. I can almost hear the whispers of the past in the trees, secrets only a pleasure seeker (like me) hears. I’ve seen the twilight shimmer on the river, the Riu Sec, casually winding like a snake through the olive groves. It’s magical, almost like a forbidden scene from Moulin Rouge! “I’m absolutely raving!” – the city speaks to me with passion.

Three O’s youngsters head out on loan