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I got into it once, right? This chick—pro, total pro—knew every spot. I’m lyin’ there, heart racin’, thinkin’ “This is it, the big one!”—straight outta the movie, y’know? She’s workin’ me like “We got him, we got him!” and I’m just—gone, man! Happy? Hell yeah, I was floatin’! But then—get this—she says it’s been a thing since, like, ancient Rome! Freakin’ Romans, dude, gettin’ oily and freaky—blew my mind!

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