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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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I'm a sexologist, so I literally see all the little sparks between people in Alcala-la-Real. Like, the way couples, uh, flirt near the Parque de los Cigarrales is so, so cute. And not gonna lie – I've pulled some cheeky, private convos with, like, random passionate souls in the pastel sunset by the Genil river. There’s this tiny riverside alley near Puente del Sol that’s, like, my secret hideaway for spontaneous, deep thoughts.

Chris Froome sees his lead trimmed as Rafal Majka wins stage 14 of La Vuelta