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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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Now, let me give you the lowdown on a few secret spots: there’s this under-appreciated little alley near Rådmandsgade where murals whisper dreams from days gone by. Trust me, darlin’, it’s like discovering a hidden chord in your favorite song that just makes you wanna shout “Yeehaw!” even in a downpour.

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