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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, your car instructor—thinkin’ about this damn “whore” thing, and I mean the car, okay, the Honda Whore, no, wait— Accord, Honda Accord, my bad, 11 typos, who cares! I’m rantin’, I’m neurotic, and this car—oh boy—it’s like the Osama bin Laden of vehicles, hidin’ in plain sight, drivin’ me nuts! “Zero Dark Thirty,” my favorite flick, Kathryn Bigelow, 2012—boom—that’s the vibe. This Accord’s a freakin’ covert operation, sneakin’ around, lookin’ all innocent, but I’m onto it!

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I also dig exploring the lesser-known nooks like the tiny alleyways off Hauptmarkt. Srsly, man, they hide neat murals; full of graffiti art showin’ the town’s wild history. Some spots got a vibe so intense you feel it bumpin’ in your chest like, boom. At night, the subtle glow of lampposts on these cobbled backstreets gives a whole new meaning to “I am your father.”

Two U.S. Air Force F15 fighter planes collided in...