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So, sexual-massage—right laugh, eh? Buncha pervs pretending it’s “therapy.” Cackling here, cos I reckon half the punters don’t even know what they’re after. Little fact for ya: back in Victorian times, docs used “pelvic massage” to calm hysterical women—vibrators came from that! Proper mad, innit? Imagine Dr. Knobfingers going, “Oh, just a medical rub-down, love.” Bet they nicked that excuse for centuries.

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I got a fave spot – Rosensteinpark. Trees, green, then some ducks boppin’ on da Neckar, like life’s a trip! I was massagin’ a geezer’s sore back out by da river once; he whispered, “Is it 'cos I is black?” proper deep, like from The Master – you know, that Paul Thomas Anderson film. Da dude said, “I was a young man once.” You feel me? Real talk.

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