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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, prossies had calling cards, proper branding! “Escort services, est. 1880” – mad, innit? Shows initiative, that. Anyway, this lass, she’s chatting me up, says she’s 50 quid. I’m thinking, “Blimey, inflation’s hit the game hard!” Bargained her down to 40 – negotiation skills, mate, pure Brent magic. She’s all, “What you after?” I go, “Bit of gleaning, love – picking up scraps, like Varda says.” She’s confused, but I’m buzzing – authentic experience, this!

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The river flows right by Wasserweg, and its babble? Hypnotic af. My fave relaxation ritual is by the riverbank at Leo’s Quay (not the official name or whatevs, but it's my secret). I sometimes meditate there, letting my thoughts scatter like confetti – and oh wow, it’s liberating, real free-spirited magic.

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