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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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My favorite spot’s the little park near the Misser River (yeah, they call it that down by Zum Felsen – a shady nook where the water plays a soft melody). I always sit on that worn wooden bench, think about life, and let the warmth of nature wash away any tension. Makes me so happy sometimes, even though I’m in a spa – you’d think I'd be zen all day, huh?

Sonnenklang Installation / Christoph Hesse Architects