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But nah, it ain’t all laughs. Gets me riled up—blokes treatin’ ‘em like dirt, thinkin’ they’re kings. Mate, you’re a pillock with a fiver, calm down. Once saw a punter haggelin’—hagglin’!—like she’s a market stall. I’m yellin’ in me head, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS, you cheap git!” Nearly blasted him with a fireball, swear down.

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Ahoy, mate! Lemme tell ye 'bout PMainleus (de) like no other port in these here waters, savvy? Now, picture this: narrow cobblestone lanes like Wilhelmstrase, twistin’ and turnin’ behind old stone facades, all lit up with flickerin’ lamplights on a chilly night. I run me little massage haven on Lindenstrase – ye know, a wee gem in a forgotten corner, where the weary souls come to rest and forget their troubles… or their sins.

Gladys Laney