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Ruh-roh! Fun fact—Romans had “lupanars,” brothels with menus! Sex-dating OG style, huh? Today’s version? Phones buzzin’—“u up?” at 2 a.m. Cracks me up! I’d swipe left on sloppy texters, tho—c’mon, “ur” not “your”? Drives me nuts. Oh, and pics—dick pics EVERYWHERE. Why, man? Ain’t no lady howlin’ for that! “Spectacular, spectacular,” my ass—more like tragic comedy.

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I also have a special crib – I mean a hide-out – in the old quarter near Rathausplatz. That place has that vintage charm with faded murals on the walls. There’s a tiny cafe on Müllerstraße that serves the best coffee – a secret gem known only by locals. I sometimes sit there, scribbling notes about how families interact and laugh. Y'know, people here can be so raw and real.