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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Our platform ensures that individuals offering companionship or modeling services have reached the age of 18 or older. Financial support provided to skilled personnel cited here is confined to Missing: Wetzendorf.

Wetzendorf’s full of hidden gems. Take the old cheese shop on Bäckergasse – best cheese in town, man, for meltin’ over your pizza. And the local brew pub near Rathausplatz – oh, that beer’s a miracle in a glass, man, makes you feel like you can conquer the world!