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So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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I been a masseur here for years, tinkerin' with backs and souls, and I honestly swear this place has magic in its air. Walk down "Am Stadtwald" – that's where I usually get my walks when I'm clearin' my head between massage sessions. You'll see a bunch of cute little cafés and shops tucked in there. And lemme tell ya, they got a heartbeat – much like that movie I love, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" – ya ever hear that line about the beauty in pain? Kinda like massage work, honey: you feel a lil' ache but then oh boy, the relief!

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