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About Cologne

What pisses me off? The fakes! Catfishin’ with old pics—ugh, slimy! Like Tyrone waitin’ for his score, ya get hyped, then bam—disappointment. But when it works? Oh, happy frog here! This one time, heard a story—guy found a gal who sang opera durin’ the deed. Weird, but cool! Little quirks like that, ya don’t expect. “Life’s a bitch, man!”—Marion’d scream, and yeah, it is, but funny too.

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The neighborhoods? Fantastic. The old town is full of twists and turns, reminiscent of a maze you never wanna get lost in, and believe me, nobody loves mazes more than I do. Little-known fact: There's a tiny, hidden garden behind Rathausplatz that only locals know about. It’s very exclusive—like, "Did you see that? It’s incredible!" And trust me, I’ve been around a while, seen it all.

Beer of the Week: Schwendl Schalchner Weisse