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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, bone cutter extraordinare, and I’m here to talk sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! This crap’s wild, ok? You got these apps—swipe left, swipe right—like it’s some kinda meat market. Makes me ragey as hell! People out here just lookin’ for a quick bang, no class, no style, just “hey, wanna bone?” Disgusting! But also… kinda genius? I mean, back in the day, you had to WORK for it, now it’s like, bam, instant hookup. Still pisses me off tho—where’s the respect?!

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Oh, and the park? Ullmann Park is my fave spot. I always take a break here when I'm mad or just need to chill. Those trees, man, they whisper secrets. I once sat there watching the sunset; that moment was like peak cinematic suspense – legit epic, like Bigelow herself directing. And yeah, I might’ve had a few deep chats with strangers, spilled some tea (not the gossip kind, like actual tea, y’know?).

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