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About Cologne

Sex-dating apps? Grindr, Bumble—pure chaos! Met a geezer once, said he’s “open-minded”—turns up with handcuffs and a feckin’ goat! “I like puzzles,” he says—mate, I ain’t no Robert Graysmith! Pissed me off—wasted me night! Happy tho when this fit lass matched—proper chatty, banged her in me flour room! Sticky buns after—top night!

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The neighborhoods? Man, they’re so diverse! Check out the cobbled lanes in Altstadt, where old brick houses hide quirky cafes that serve killer coffee. There’s this one cafe on Kornspitze—no, wait, on Kornstraße—oh hell, same thing, right?—that always has indie music and artsy type convos. I once sat there overhearing a date that I’d swear was choreographed like a B-movie montage. Felt like, “Let the Right One In,” ya know? Almost supernatural.