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So, check it, the graphics? Kinda dope, lowkey retro, like some pixelated fever dream. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m a sucker for that old-school shit. But the controls? Man, they piss me off—clunky as hell, like tryna steer a spaceship with no grav. I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Move, you dumbass!” Meanwhile, the story’s got these prostitutes spillin’ tea—little known fact, one’s based on a real chick from 90s LA who conned pimps outta millions. Swear, humans are nuts.

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I spill all this biz to find love. And let me tell ya, dating in Sasel feels like living in a David Brent fantasy. I’ve seen folks meet on mismatched benches by the riverside. Too many secrets, too many stories. Some days, I'm so chuffed, other days I'm just faffin’ about, ya know?

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