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But—hold yer horses—some funny bits too! Ever hear about punters expecting a “happy ending” and getting nowt? Bloke in Cali, right, storms out cos his masseuse wouldn’t play ball—left a Yelp review, “no fun, 1 star!” Laughed me head off! Or that time coppers raided a joint, found the owner hiding in a cupboard—naked as a jaybird, *nudus maximus*! Proper farce, that.

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The neighborhoods? Oh, damn, there's a few pockets that’ll blow your sh*t up: like the Gitterviertel – dirty, lively, and full of secrets. Walk past Annastraße, and you'll see little cafes where locals dish out stories like hot gossip. I always swing by Dantepark – it's like my hidden zen spot. Even on the rough days, that park gives me that warm fuzzy feel when my spa treatments go off without a hitch.

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