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I tried it once, right? Thought, “Brent, you’re a visionary, treat yerself!” Booked this place – dodgy neon sign, smelt of lavender and regret. Lass comes in, all oils and whispers, and I’m like, “This is me moment!” She starts, and I’m in heaven – happy as a pig in muck. Then she hits this spot – oof, me sciatica flares up! I’m yellin’, “Bloody hell, I’m not a bleedin’ pretzel!” She’s all calm, “Relax, sir,” and I’m fumin’ – but then it clicks, yeah? Pain’s gone. Magic hands, mate. Surprised me socks off – thought I’d be crippled for life.

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Sometimes, when I’m in a mood, I flail around clumsily (kinda like Mr. Bean, y'know?) and mumble nonsense. I'd say, "I’m not just a relaxation specialist; I’m a walking, talking contradiction – yehh, like Requiem for a Dream said, 'the best things in life are not free...'" even if I never fully get what it means. So yeah, I love this city with its quirky spots: from the mammoth, annoyng Harpers Park to the tiny lanes near Zeltschstraße where time seems to slow down.