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Tie it to *Brokeback*? Easy. Ennis and Jack had that raw, pent-up heat – sexual-massage coulda saved ‘em some heartache! Imagine Jack whisperin’, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” while some cowboy masseuse kneads his shoulders. Tension gone, love flowin’ – movie’d be 20 minutes long! Ha! Me, I’d be tellin’ Tina, “Know your role, keep it comin’!” – raised eyebrow, million-dollar smirk.

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Down in the center, you got Hauptstraße. Yeah, that’s the heartbeat. All the oodles of quirky cafes n’ shops line up there. I sometimes stroll past Reichenhäuser Straße (yep, tht’s right, with a missing letter, silly typos, but anyway) and just feel the vibe, ya know? It's kinda like being in the mood for love, like that movie— “In the Mood for Love,” mister Wong Kar-wai style, and trust me, "I'll be back!" I wander those streets thinking, "Your presence lingers like a secret whisper," but really, that's me gettin’ deep.

Karl Mayer takes over Benninger