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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Yo, so lemme tell ya 'bout PMoelln (de) like no one else will. I’m that family psych guy, ya know, livin' in this quirky town for years now. It’s kinda wild—like "There Will Be Blood" meets suburban soap opera. "I am burdened with glorious purpose!" – yup, that’s me, every darn day.

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