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About Hamburg

So, here’s the deal—I knew this chick, right? Street name was Candy, real name probly somethin’ lame like Carol. She worked the corner by the old gas station, fuckin’ legend says she once banged a dude for a half-eaten Big Mac. Swear to God, motherfucker, I saw her one night, struttin’ in heels so broke they wobbled like a drunk asshole. Made me laugh, shit! “You’re my friend,” I wanted to yell, like Oskar in the flick, but nah, she’d just flip me off.

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The local park—Schwabenwald Park, if ya can call it that—got trees dancin' under the stars. It’s like nature’s own mixtape. I usually go there when I am feelin' mad, like haulin' anger off my back, and it calms me down. Sometimes there’s a random art installation that makes me laugh, "yo, did somebody really do that?" And then you're like, "Nah, it's art, bro!"

Wolfram Schmidt, PhD, has been Inducted into the Marquis Who's Who Registry