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About Essen

Oi, honey, lemme tell ya—*nasal Fran Drescher voice*—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m behind the bar, slingin’ drinks, when this shlump comes in, lookin’ all twitchy. “Hey, Fran,” he goes, “where’s a gal get some action?” I’m like, *whaaat*? You think I’m runnin’ a bordello here? Hah! *The Nanny laugh—HA-HA-HA!* I nearly spat my martini, oh gawd.

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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Every damn day you step on Am Weiher strret, you feel the pulse of our city. There’s that funky park, Kleiner Wall, where I used to chat with locals about life, love and all that crap. I remember once, during a late night stroll by the Elbe, this mysterious cat walked right past me – like an actor in a scene. I got so mad I shouted “HERE’S JOHNNY!” just like in the flick – insane, right?

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