Amelia Halberstadt Sexual Massage ❤️

About Cologne

So, I’m picturin’ it—some dimly lit room, oil everywhere, slippery as hell. You’re lyin’ there, like, “Am I relaxed or aroused? Both? Neither?” It’s confusin’! I’d be a wreck—neurotic mess, me, Larry freakin’ David! I’d yell, “Too much pressure! Not enough pressure!” The masseuse’d hate me. But that’s the gig—sexual-massage walks this tightrope, y’know? Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “yin-yang touch”—balancin’ energies or whatever. Sounds fancy, but it’s still hands on your junk!

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I’m not even kidding – the cobblestones here are literally history. Streets like Am Domhof are steeped in legend. I’ve seen locals argue passionately about trivial stuff – yeah, I got mad once ‘cause someone's trash talk got too wild on the benches outside the Kulturzentrum. But that’s life, right? As The Grand Budapest Hotel would say, “There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse.” (Boom! Preach it!)

Out of the Woods (Published 2015)