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About Cologne

Look, findin’ a prostitute ain’t hard, but findin’ *the* prostitute? That’s art. Gotta dodge the clap, the cheats, the sob stories. One time, this chick cried bout her kid—made me wanna hurl. “I will skin him, and his wife,” I snapped, all regal rage, but she just blinked. Thick as pigshit. Still, some got tales—heard one ran off with a lord’s gold, livin’ fat in Lys now. Good for her, I say.

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There’s also a funky neighborhood called Altstadt – old, raw, and loaded with history. You can check out a cool local bar on Nebenstrasse, where the beers flow and stories spill, dude. I even got mad once when the jukebox played the wrong tunes, man – that was off, brother!

Aubrey Van Reken-Englund