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Best bit? When they glide over ya, all slow-like, teasin’. Drives me mad—in a good way, mind. Skin on skin, mate, it’s electric—better than any gadget MI6 ever gave me. I’d say, “Do ya think I’m chrome enough?” like some Fury Road warboy, just for kicks. Oh, and the oils—smell like victory, exotic as hell. Once got a whiff of sandalwood, thought I’d died and gone to Valhalla.

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