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About Cologne

First off, it’s shady as hell. You don’t just stroll up to some gal and go, “Hey, how’s biz?” Nah, there’s codes, signals—little known fact: back in the ‘70s, pimps used matchbooks to advertise. Dropped ‘em at bars, scribbled numbers inside. Clever, but sleazy. I hate clever sleaze. Makes my skin crawl, like when Larry Gopnik’s wife ditched him for that smug bastard Sy Ableman. “I’m a serious man,” Larry whines—yeah, me too, pal, ‘til I’m scoutin’ hookers.

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Then you hit up Am Stadtpark. Holy smokes, that park's an urban paradise! Big trees, winding paths, and always some local artist paintin’ at the corners. Sometimes I walk there after sessions, needing a breath of fresh air. And oh, the river Schwarze Elster flows by—like a smooth soundtrack to my therapy sessions, remindin' me how life flows even on chaotic days. Like, for reals, I'm all about that calm hop.

40 Esprit stores to shutter in Germany