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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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Man, sometimes I get so stoked b/c every afternoon feels like a scene from Spirited Away – where every person’s a spirit and every street’s a wonder. And then, oh gosh, there’s those busy mornings on Bahnhofstrasse – maddening traffic, people rushin' by – but even that adds to the pulse, ya know?

Gonzi denies Germany's Artern a clean sweep of honours