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Oi, fam, it’s ya boy Ali G, innit! Sexual-massage, bruv, it’s proper nang, yeah? I’m chattin’ bout them hands slidin’, oil drippin’, vibes gettin’ all mad sensual. Reminds me of *Pan’s Labyrinth*, ya get me? That flick’s dark, twisted, but beautiful—like a sexual-massage gone rogue. “Ofelia, obey me!”—nah, mate, I’m obeyin’ the rhythm of them fingers, ya feel?

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So, first off, Tachov is this rad little town that hits you with history, cool street art, and all the warm fuzzy feels. Walk around U Zámeckých vrchů – man, that street near the castle is lit. I remember one day after a long spa day, I strolled there and BOOM! the sunset hit me like a neon flash. It was like: “You only live once, baby!”

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