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So, I’m picturin’ it—some dimly lit room, oil everywhere, slippery as hell. You’re lyin’ there, like, “Am I relaxed or aroused? Both? Neither?” It’s confusin’! I’d be a wreck—neurotic mess, me, Larry freakin’ David! I’d yell, “Too much pressure! Not enough pressure!” The masseuse’d hate me. But that’s the gig—sexual-massage walks this tightrope, y’know? Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “yin-yang touch”—balancin’ energies or whatever. Sounds fancy, but it’s still hands on your junk!

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So, bro, I've been hustlin’ around these streets for years – so like, imagine hunks of concrete and hidden gems. Check it: there's Lenka Street (or Lenka ulice, if you're poshing it up), where the vibe is gritty and homey, kinda like tryna find a lost Brokeback moment in every back alley. Yeah, I’m channeling Brokeback Mountain lines here, "I wish I knew how to quit you," but like, I just can’t quit this city, man!

Gio Lo Celso scores, sent off in Real Betis’ 2-1 loss to Mladá Boleslav