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About Ostrava

I tried it once—don’t tell Jill! Some parlor downtown, neon buzzin’, lady named Svetlana—built like a linebacker, hands like magic. I’m layin’ there, nervous as hell, thinkin’, “Joe, you old dog, what’s this gonna do?” Then—bam!—she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m floatin’. Happiest I been since Obama hugged me in ’16. But, folks, here’s the kicker: cost me 80 bucks! Eighty! I was steamed—thought I’d get a deal, y’know, senior discount or somethin’. Nope. “Pay up, dedushka,” she says—Russian for gramps. Total rip-off, but damn, I’d do it again.

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Oh man, even the rivers have this weird humming vibe. I mean, the River Zipp flows like the epic chase in Mad Max... like, “Are you strapped in?!” And sometimes, in the middle of a gloomy night, I wander along its banks and swear I hear the river whispering my own secrets. Total freakin’ thrill!

Christophe Dubi, the Man Responsible for Organizing the Tokyo Olympics