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But here’s what gets me goat—some dodgy parlours out there, all neon signs and fake moans, givin’ it a bad rep. Pisses me off, cos a real sexual-massage? Art, mate. Pure art. Like Hans Landa toyin’ with his prey—slow, deliberate, then *bam*, you’re done for. Surprised me first time I had one—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, smoother than my martini.

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I also love Hazy Park. It's this lush, green refuge by the river Mumble. Yup, Mumble River. It flows like someone's whispering secrets as you walk by. I once saw a couple arguing very softly there. I thought, "wow, that's what she said!" (haha, classic Michael Scott style, right?) But then it turned sweet as they hugged it out.