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Once saw this lass, right, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Made me laugh—ha! “We needs it, precious!” I thinks. But nah, it’s grim—dudes leerin’, all sweaty, made me mad as hell. Why’s it gotta be so skeevy? Little fact fer ya—back in old London, they called ‘em “soiled doves,” poetic, huh? Sounds nicer than it is! We hates it—filthy coins changin’ hands, like some stinkin’ goblin trade.

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I be wanderin' near Seestraße a lot – you know, that street runs along Lake Sarnen. The lake? Wowza. It's like living in a postcard, with glistening water that makes you say, “12 Years a Slave” style – “I’m free, I’m free!” (okay, not exact but ya get the feel, right?) Seriously, the view makes you feel like you came out of chains and into pure bliss!

‘In the 20th century we had a humanitarian offensive’