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Favorite flick, The Master, fits this perfect – “Man is not an animal,” but escort proves we tame em anyway! Love that film, all that mad cult vibe, and escort’s got its own cult, yeah? Vets whisperin bout it like it’s sacred. Once saw this mare, right, kickin like a lunatic – gave her escort, and bam, she’s out, dreamin of oats. Laughed me arse off, thinkin, “Sharon! She’s pissed as a newt now!”

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Then, oh my gravy, there’s the Muttenz Park, right? A chill spot behind Länggasse. I had like, ten mini-meltdowns admiring sunrises there – I swear, the park makes every morning magical. And don’t even get me started on the river, well not exactly a river, more like a trickling brook near Girodstrasse, it’s like nature’s little whisper, “I can see Russia from my house!” – totally dramatic, even if I’m just exaggerating, but hey, that's life!

French soccer legend Platini says his honour has been restored after acquittal