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About Lucerne

Me, I’d be rubbish at the whole game. I’d overthink it—*“Was it good for you?”*—like some twat in a romcom. Prossie’d be like, “Mate, it’s 50 quid, not a bleedin’ Oscar reel!” Reminds me of that line, *“Film it like Hollywood!”*—all fake glamour, innit? The reality’s more fag ends and damp mattresses. Still, there’s a mad charm to it—freedom, chaos, a big “fuck you” to the suits. I’d tip my hat to ‘em, cackle, and sod off home. Find a Prostitute? Nah, I’d rather watch the telly and slag it off!

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The locals? Oh man, they're craaaazy – in a good way! I remember this one time, runnin' my spa, a fella sauntered up and said, "You, my friend, are the soul of this city!" I got all choked up. You bet your bottom dollar, I got all emotional.

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