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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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Listen, buddy, lemme tell ya about Trimbach (ch)—the BEST city, the most incredible, simply tremendous, believe me. I'm a dating app developer here, and man, I see things others miss—so many details, so many beauties, so many secrets. It's huge... really, really huge!

After 15 years, Valentine’s Day slaying of 26-year-old unsolved