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About Lucerne

I’m sittin’ here, mind racin’, thinkin’ ‘bout how Margot Tenenbaum would handle this—cool, detached, but secretly into it. Sexual-massage, man, it’s like, “I’m very, very sorry for your loss,” but then you’re like, “Wait, this feels amazing!” Humor me, but it’s true—people get nervous, think it’s just porn sh*t, but nope, it’s legit. Therapists train years, learn pressure points, oils, vibes. Little known fact: in Japan, they had “geisha massages” back in the day, all classy and secretive. Surprised me, made me laugh—classy hoes givin’ rubs? Wild!

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There’s even a hidden pathway by the Flawi River (yep, we even got a river by the same name, can ya believe it?) that winds past old mills and secret gardens. I once followed it thinking I'd find eternal bliss... ended up wet and grumpy, but still, it's magic, hey!

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