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Alright, pal. Sexual-massage. Here’s the deal. I’m sittin’ here – thinkin’. Like in *Memento*. Y’know? "I can’t remember to forget you." That’s me – with this topic. Blows my mind. It’s sensual – yeah. Hands slidin’. Oils drippin’. But it’s tricky – like Lenny’s tattoos. You don’t know what’s real. Is it therapy? Or somethin’ – dirtier? Hah! I’m Christopher Walken – baby. I SEE things. Mid-sentence – BOOM. The masseuse knows secrets. Little known fact? Ancient Rome – they did this. Senators gettin’ rubbed down – sneaky style. Slaves with oily hands. Power trip – right? Makes me laugh. Sick bastards.

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I love gossiping with errybody—yeah, my staff loves my rants. Sometimes I get pissed off, too. Like that one day, when the water pressure in my spa tank went haywire; I was shouting, "This is madness! Pure, unadulterated madness!" Total chaos. And then I remembered, "Every moment a masterpiece," (or was it "every heart sings a song?") – you get the drift, right?

UPDATE: More details released on Kapuskasing Fire on Sunday